Honestly, eff sports so hard. 

"Honeybunchesofgoats" (honeybunche0fgoats) 04/24/2017 at 09:03 • Filed to: None

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This week, in Philadelphia, there are going to be TWO sports events that draw large crowds.

The first is the “NFL Draft Experience.” I don’t know what that is or why it has to be an experience and not something done in a conference room or at least a stadium, but it means they’re closing off the Parkway for six days.

The second is the Penn Relays. If you’re not aware, the Penn Relays is the largest track and field event in the U.S. and will have somewhere in the area of 15,000 participants from around the U.S. and the world. It means a shit ton of people, plus their families, plus endless buses.

Both of these events take place from the 27th through the 29th.  

For those of you not familiar with Philadelphia, understand that Philadelphia’s streets essentially exist in two categories—the original streets that were planned in 17th century for horses and carriages, and a cluster fuck of terrible planning that resulted from corruption in the 1930s.

I cannot emphasize enough what a bitch it is to drive in Philadelphia if you’re not used to it. Drivers are psychotic, streets have no rhyme or reason, blocks are too short cause intersections get blocked, nothing is labeled correctly, no one knows how to merge, there’s a ton of construction going on, lanes end with little warning.

The combination of road closures, confused tourists, and and traffic basically means that this city’s already deeply fucking unhinged drivers are going to have a hair trigger.

I’m already making plans to take a four or five day weekend, because fuck this so hard.

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

Funktheduck > Honeybunchesofgoats 04/24/2017 at 09:15

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My city gets shut down over a little snow/ice. We have had multiple bridge fires. And a stall on many major highway, even if it’s not on the road, can hold up traffic for hours

Chuckles > Honeybunchesofgoats 04/24/2017 at 09:18

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Good luck with that. I drive through Philly occasionally just to remind myself that the traffic I usually deal with could be much, much worse. I couldn’t imagine dealing with that daily.

Honeybunchesofgoats > Funktheduck 04/24/2017 at 09:19

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Atlanta?

For what it’s worth, Philadelphia gets blizzards at least once a year, but I don’t believe that the city has a single snow plow and their go-to plan for snow is to shut down all of the highways.

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > Honeybunchesofgoats 04/24/2017 at 09:20

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chicago had the NFL draft the last two years, if we can do it you can do it too

Ash78, voting early and often > Honeybunchesofgoats 04/24/2017 at 09:21

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The NFL Draft Experience? Is that the one where regular people can pay $5,000 for a weekend full of private jets, booze, hookers, coke, and steroids? Or is it more window dressing? Still, it’s better than the NFL Combine, which is apparently where players run through a field while trying not to get threshed to death, Superman style. /speculating

Tekamul > Honeybunchesofgoats 04/24/2017 at 09:22

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It has to be Atlanta. What other city can boast that their roads catch fire. It must be like a fever dream down there.

Honeybunchesofgoats > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero 04/24/2017 at 09:26

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You give Philadelphia far too much credit and Chicago too little. Philadelphia barely functions in the most ideal conditions.

Honeybunchesofgoats > Chuckles 04/24/2017 at 09:30

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I’ve had years of experience driving in it, so my commute has been perfected down to a science. I follow the same route without ever deviating, use the same lanes, change lanes at the same place.

Tripper > Honeybunchesofgoats 04/24/2017 at 09:32

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I almost always take the train to Philadelphia from the burbs.

Honeybunchesofgoats > Tripper 04/24/2017 at 09:36

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I live in NJ, which means that if I wanted to take the train, I’d have to take the PATCO and I’d sooner slit my wrists than do that.

Chuckles > Honeybunchesofgoats 04/24/2017 at 09:39

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I lived outside of Philly until I was 8, and then I moved to the Lehigh Valley. I live in Allentown but my sister has a house right around the corner from Cheese steak tourism ground zero. I don’t mind Philly driving in small doses. I definitely understand never deviating from the plan. Hell, I did that in North Carolina too because I always knew where I’d catch a city bus or a garbage truck.

haveacarortwoorthree2 > Tekamul 04/24/2017 at 09:40

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Cleveland laughs at Atlanta’s pathetic road fire. When you can make a river burn, then you can join the big leagues!

haveacarortwoorthree2 > Ash78, voting early and often 04/24/2017 at 09:41

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All that for $5k? Is there a website where I can register?

Tripper > Honeybunchesofgoats 04/24/2017 at 09:49

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The only reason I go to Philadelphia is to see my friends who won’t leave Philadelphia and/or go out to dinner. Otherwise I avoid city trips. I almost took a job there and then I thought about taking the train every day and paying city wage tax... Nope.

Funktheduck > Honeybunchesofgoats 04/24/2017 at 10:07

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Yup. Ever since we got made fun of internationally a few years back, any time there’s the slightest hint of snow they go into full overreact mode 

Funktheduck > Tekamul 04/24/2017 at 10:08

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Atlanta burning is kind of a tradition for us

Butsen Katsun > Honeybunchesofgoats 04/24/2017 at 10:11

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Sweet image, loved that game!

Stapleface > Honeybunchesofgoats 04/24/2017 at 10:23

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I live in South Jersey, I work in South Philly. I hate going in to the city proper as it’s just a mess, as you’ve already mentioned. And Patco is a joke. It’s actually easier for me (if I wanted to go) to drive into Philly and take the broad street line into the city.

What I’m trying to figure out it is, how would someone even GET to the draft thing on the Parkway since everything is closed?

Tekamul > Funktheduck 04/24/2017 at 10:23

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LOL yup, checks out.

TheRevanchist > Honeybunchesofgoats 04/24/2017 at 11:57

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Don’t worry. It’s the city of brotherly love, from what I hear. Everyone should kind and courteous with lots of hugs for everyone!

Pic unrelated.

ranwhenparked > Honeybunchesofgoats 04/24/2017 at 18:02

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I’ve never really had issues driving in Philadelphia vs. other large cities. There’s plenty of parking (both surface lots and garages), and the streets are mostly a simple grid pattern - OK, a lot of them are one way, but if you miss a turn, its pretty easy to back track to where you need to go.

Boston, on the other hand...

NJAnon > Honeybunchesofgoats 04/24/2017 at 19:14

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But its The city of Brotherly Love right? (Formerly the city of brotherly love)